Something for Nothing


I would like to give out the draft of my novella, A Brief History of Ladies, for free to a few beta readers.

The novella is set in a world much like ours, if somewhat backward in time. The story spans many generations, offering snapshots of various events and escapades which change the course of history on the Continent, and is 26 pages long (as a Word doc). The first chapter, The Continental Ladies’ Academy, has been re-posted below.

Of course, you don’t really get something for nothing! I would like to receive some constructive advice in return – what was good, bad, or needs improvement.

If you are interested either leave a comment or contact me at 8ec16@queensu.ca.

*

The Continental Ladies’ Academy

Since Lavender left, the school has not been the same.

It was unseasonably warm last week, and though we had noticed her restlessness we were quite shocked when she walked into the classroom without her many layers of undergarments and petticoats, of satin and lace. She wore (now infamous) leather breeches and a linen shirt which looked marvellously breezy. Sister Mary Tortella, not to be confused with the thinner Sister Mary Margaret, immediately cracked her stick on the lectern and told Lavender to make herself proper.

Lavender’s chin went up and she silently took her seat by the open window. We could tell that if only one were allowed to cane royal flesh, then Sister Mary Tortella would have gladly done so at that moment. Instead she called for Our Lady the Duchess, under whose auspicious guidance our schooling takes place.

Our Lady found the classroom in a tizzy, for it was beyond Sister Mary Tortella to control us with Lavender in such a state, and we were all flushed and breathless in our corsets by the time Our Lady entered, her bustle dwarfing the doorway.

Our Lady took in Lavender’s rebellious pose, which spread all the way up to the roots of her hair, causing her plait to go very messy indeed. I was much distracted by the sudden cheerfulness on Lavender’s face – did she know something we didn’t? The classroom fidgeted, waiting eagerly for her sentencing.

“Your Royal Highness, this disgraceful behaviour neither becomes you nor complies with the rules of this institution. You will come with me directly or be removed by my ladies.”

“Then I have a choice?”

How daring! Such a collective intake of breath!

“I would not describe it as such, Your Highness,” Our Lady said, icy as a northern queen. The me then would have quailed beneath her eyes.

“Oh. Well, I’d rather not.”

Lavender got up from her desk. She stood on her desk. She moved with tantalizing confidence to the windowsill, smiled at us, and jumped.

The rush to the window cannot be described. Sister Mary Tortella’s scream will go down in the history of the Continental Ladies’ Academy, drowning out all others. I should like to know if Our Lady screamed, but I doubt it. I was quick enough to get a decent view, and saw Lavender jump to a lower branch on the pear tree, then swing down to earth and run off, her mussed brown hair disappearing into the forest.

As it is the tame kind of forest with no brush to obstruct a good run, and no beasts to fear, I fell passionately in love with the idea. And so, as Our Lady could tell, did the rest of the classroom.

We live in the calm before a storm. We are young ladies keeping our eyes downcast, our many layers in place and our hair immaculately dressed. We copy our lessons and we copy and pass notes, ink whispering about Lavender’s escapade. Making plans. The Sisters watch us eagle-eyed and Our Lady is seen quite often. But Our Lady is not the all-powerful figure she was; once flouted, authority is difficult to regain. She has not discovered, or has not been able to halt, the widespread sewing of skirts into breeches.

There is a rumour that they have placed more guards in the grounds. But we laugh.

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14 comments

    1. Thank you very much! I really appreciate your thinking of me, and I’ll be over soon to check out the post and all the other great nominations!

      Lily

  1. <>

    Really intriguing, nicely written, I would read the whole thing when it is done. My only comment thus far is in regard to the above sentence; If she has not discovered the sewing of skirts into britches she knows nothing about them to halt. More like ” She has not discovered SO has not been able to halt…”
    Cheers , well done

    1. Thank you very much! I think that, like many pieces of writing, it will never really be ‘done’ since I’ll always find new things to tweak!

      I appreciate you reading and commenting 🙂

      Lily

  2. I think I commented on a somewhat longer version ot this that you posted some time ago, Lily, and I haven’t changed my mind – It’s Dynamite !!!

    One note: Watch punctuation… “We are young ladies keeping our eyes downcast, our many layers in place and our hair immaculately dressed.”

    We are young ladies, keeping our eyes downcast, our many layers in place, and our hair immaculately dressed. (did you intend to leave out commas in these lines?). 1st line also needs a comma after “restlessness”. The only thing I see are a few punctuation blips but the grammar and tense are perfect. Beautiful job.
    Paul

    1. Thank you, Paul! If you’d like to read the whole 26-page “leviathan” just let me know 🙂

      I’m glad you pointed those out! I’ve sent the manuscript to my grandmother, who was an editor, and hopefully between us we can weed out those mistakes

      Lily

  3. “She has not discovered, or has not been able to halt, the widespread sewing of skirts into breeches.”

    I actually prefer the ‘or’ instead of ‘so’ as suggested because changing it to ‘so’ changes the meaning from not knowing if they’d been discovered to knowing. Love Lavender. She’s interesting and makes you want to know more about her.

    1. Oh yes, I see. I think it may be more realistic to keep “or” as you say, since they wouldn’t really know whether it has been discovered or not.

      Since this novella is like a bunch of interconnected short stories, you do learn a bit more about Lavender (and her family) in the third chapter 🙂

      Lily

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